It tooks me a while to understand and to accept that I am not 'that' in to architectural design. I enjoy designing as a fun game but not as a job. As a job, I get stuck all the time. Designing building has always been a dead end to me. It was fun at the beginning, but took me hard time to ever finish it.
It does not mean that I can not design something. It's just that I don't feel the thing. I have passion upon it but I am not the one for it. There is no 'click'.
Since I was a little, my hobby was writing. I love to wrote poets. Then I wrote my thought. I love to see and enjoy nature. I love to draw also, but draw with my vision, not my imagination.
I never thought of ending up in a university's architectural departement. I was in love with chemistry. That was the thing I wanted the most. But I didn't got in. So I was trapped with the thing called architecture.
Back home, architecture is always about building, designing building, constructing building, architectural design competition, and stuffs. Here I learn that architecture is not only about design. Match architecture (knowledge) with your passion, and it will become something extraordinary.
Architecture does not always designing new buildings anyway. Conserving, preserving and renovating is also architecture. And many of the architectural and urban design/planning books not necesarily written by an architect. Many are historian, antropologist and even archeologist. The latest book I read, The Architecture of Happiness, was written by a philosopher.
My passion is writing, observing and now photographing. I love culture and history. Understanding architecture makes me understand the other two a lot easier. Here, I learn that architecture is about making people's life better. To help people understand their home and history, not destroying it. Again, back home, it is a bit the contrast.
I have tried to be a good designer. Apparently, I am not one. It is hard to give up and accept that something is not meant to be or that other thing is. It feels like loosing the fight and you know what? Loosing sucks. In the mean time it's about finding what is really 'yours'.
I know now what I am in to. Though I am still in the long way to feel 100% of certainty. But it's a start. I love writing, I love sharing, I love freezing moments in pictures. And I enjoy travelling, discovering new things.
My childhood dream was becoming a reseacher. I am now doing a sort of research for my these and I kind a enjoy it. In the USA, there's something that I forget how they call it but people always do better with their childhood dream. Maybe it will works out for me too.
Architecture and I are good friends, but it seems (and I think it is pretty obvious) that we are not a good couple. Clearly we have the 'designing' relationship issue. So I guess that I just going to give that one up and make the other part of the relationship work out.
Let's see where will this new relationship takes me.
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